All You Need is Love

As Valentine's Day approaches, I am reminded of the fact that this will be the first time in nine years that I will be single on Valentine's Day. This will be the first year since 2006 that I will not make romantic plans with my sweetie or be pampered with sweet gifts or snuggling.

Am I bummed? Not at all.
Because I have realized that I am surrounded by love.

This morning when I was in the drive-thru for Starbucks, I approached the window to pay only to find out that the woman in the car ahead of me paid for my coffee.  Not only was it a sweet gesture, but it gave me a sigh of relief since my funds are not ideal right now.
Then, I walk into work to find a pot of flowers on my desk from a coworker. Not only was I surprised to find the flowers, but he happened to pick my favorite flower, daisies, to which he had no clue.

And not just today, but everyday I am reminded of the simple pleasures of feeling love.

I feel love when, after not seeing my dad for a few days, he greets me with a smile and says "Hey Peanut!" with such excitement and when he sends me random "I hope you have a good day!" messages.
I feel love when my baby sister greets me with an enthusiastic "HI!" and grabs my hand to play with her and when she leans across her high chair at the dinner table to have a staring contest with me.
I feel love when Jaelene promotes my music skills to friends and family likes I pay her to be my publicist and when she texts me to check on me on a bad day.
I feel love when Freddie gives me hugs and tells me "Keep your chin up" and goes to concerts with me and purchases my Eaux Claires festival ticket because he couldn't bare "the thought of not being there without [me]."
I feel love when Kinsey, who is approximately 1500 miles away from me, sends me exciting music news and we can share the excitement together through our phones.
I feel love when my friends send me songs that they suggest I would love to listen to (and most of the time they are right!) and send me "Hey are you doing okay?" messages.
I feel love when my coworkers recognize my hard work. My job can be stressful and I am still learning, so when they tell me how well I am doing, it lifts my spirits.
I feel love when, even though she may be far away, my mother reminds me that she loves and misses me.

Whether you realize it or not, love is everywhere. Sometimes it takes someone paying for your coffee or someone getting you your favorite flower unintentionally to realize that.

The Power of Medicine

It's been a while since I have updated about the happenings of my life, but it's because I'm been busy with so much support and love in my life, that it has overflowed.

I have recently been diagnosed with depression, and with that has come the introduction of anti-depressants into my daily life. It has taken some adjustment, and a few weeks of letting it settle into my system before it finally took an effect. The first few weeks were rough: I couldn't get a full night's sleep, I couldn't fully finish a meal, and my thoughts went to dark places under the influence of alcohol.

Now, I have noticed some positive changes in my life, thanks to a combination of things, like anti-depressants, supportive people in my life, and music:

1. MY DERMATILLOMANIA HAS DECREASED
Dermatillomania is a form of skin-picking that I have suffered with for many years. I compulsively pick the skin on my face, on my fingers, on my lips, and compulsively bite my fingernails until they bleed. With the help of my medicine, facial cream,polishing my nails, chapstick, and wearing makeup everyday, I have been able to preserve my face back to its original smooth, scab-free state and have allowed my nails to grow.

2. I AM REACHING FULFILLMENT
I have finally reached the point of sleeping the entire night, and feeling rested when I wake up the next morning. When I wake up, I am not greeted with the feeling of staying in bed for a few more hours or the dread of the day ahead of me. Instead, without double thinking, I roll out of bed, grab some coffee, and move forward with my day.

3. MY FRIEND GAME IS STRONG
At least, that's how Jaelene describes it. What she means is that I have been surrounded by loving friends a lot lately. Almost every night I am meeting up with friends for dinner, a show, a meeting, or some drinks. Sometimes hanging out with friends includes work, like filming an Underground Alt session with the best crew or managing a band that want the best for you and them. Other times, I am playing Cards Against Humanity with my Capslock brothers or enjoying a show at Crescent.

4. I AM MAKING MORE PLAYLISTS
Most of my friends are music lovers (obvi) and so a lot of music sharing happens. Lately, I have been making more playlists on Spotify to share with my friends, and they have returned the favor. If you would like me to make you a playlist, let me know! Or check out my playlists on Spotify.



Life is good right now. It's not perfect, but it's the best out of what I've been dealt. I am continuing to push #24WARD and make the best out of any opportunity, one song at a time.