Keep Calm & Feel Infinite

Around the middle of February, I fell into a deep pit of depression. Like, DEEP. I remained in this pit for three months. Three months of forcing myself out of bed to go to school and push my way to graduating, forcing myself out of bed to go to work, scheduling time out of my house so I didn't lay in bed and cry, going to church and Bible study with friends to give myself hope, and trying to find reasons to not kill myself. Trust me, guys: it was bad.

I'd say I got better after I graduated college. Not that I hated college. I loved it. I miss learning and challenging myself. But my last semester was tough. And, honestly, I just wanted to graduate and get my degree. After I graduated, I had so much free time. It was something to get used to. I have always been busy, always had an assignment, always trying to impress someone. Now, I was free.

Not only had I just graduated college, but I also ended a four-year relationship and quit my band. So many things in my life were ending. It was time for a new beginning. A new Mandi.

I can say now that I'm 100% better. I wake up everyday happy. This post is not too rub it in your face like "LOOK HOW AWESOME MY LIFE IS WHILE YOUR LIFE IS SO SUCKY". That is not my intention at all. This post is to remind me (and you) that these moments of pure happiness don't always last, so it's best to count your blessings while they're happening before they're gone and you've missed the blessing completely. Also, this post is for the people who had to sit and watch me suffer and stood by my side. This is to show you that I'm okay now, and it's thanks to you guys. You know who you are.

So, without further ado (adieu?), my list of blessings:


1. I am blessed with an amazing family. My family is scattered across the state, from Gilbert to Chandler to Rio Rico (and previously Prescott). I also have some family in California, Florida, Missouri, and Oregon. Even though my family is separated, I still feel the love. My parents in Rio Rico still support me even if they're three hours away. My sister and I are starting to become closer now that we don't live together. I have gotten closer to my dad and his girlfriend and her kids. Which brings me to my next blessing...

2. I am blessed to become a big sister once again. My dad and his girlfriend are now 12 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I never thought that at 22 years old, I would have another sibling! It's so exciting, you have no idea. I know they have been trying for a child for a while now, and I'm so happy that it's finally happening. This pregnancy has also brought the two families together. We are now a family of "yours, mine, and ours", but we have fun. Babygirl Kimes is due early January, so stay tuned for more baby news.

3. I am blessed with a job that I love. Seriously. I know most people dread going to work or only go to their job for a paycheck and don't put forth much effort, but I legitimately love my job. I am a cashier/server at Liberty Market, a locally-owned urban bistro in Downtown Gilbert, and it is literally the best company I have ever worked for. I enjoy working with everyone, and I even hang out with most of my work friends outside of work. My bosses care about me. Like, for real. My bosses do whatever it takes for their employees to feel safe, welcome, and at ease. When I hit my depression, I wanted to work more and cover more shifts because that was the only place I found joy. I would go into work, put my phone away for seven hours, and just focus on my tasks and being surrounded by people who loved me. I could escape all of the drama at work. And, it gave me a reason to get out of bed. Liberty Market is and will always be a very special place for me.

4. I am blessed to be living on my own. As much as I miss my parents and the luxury of living at home, being out on my own again has really pushed me to grow up. I have matured in the last six months while living in Tempe. Also, living in Tempe can be awesome sometimes. I'm just down the road from Downtown Mill Ave, I have easy access to the 60, and I am just a five-minute walk from the Yucca Tap.

5. I am blessed with some kickass friends. This dark time really showed me who my true friends are. I had friends call me or text me just to check on me. I had friends come over and listen to me complain and then provide advice. Some friends I would personally like to thank for dealing with my sad, crying self and pulling me out of the darkness (alphabetical order): Aziz Hussein, Bob Roman, Brenda Eden, Brian Clemence, Brody Boren, Colton Haynie, Corey Coole, Diana Deaver Gudeman, Frankie Carreno, Jacob Evans, Jacob Johnston, James Johnston, Jessica Watson, Jon Pesu, Kelsey Garner, Kha-Le Desou, Krystal Rose, Liam Deaver, Lindsay Young, Mateo Bustamante, Matt Celaya, Meghan Augustson, Michelle Traficano, Nicki Hughes, Sam Greenhalgh, Sarah Sturgeon, Scott Krueger, Skyler Farr, and Stephen Dunegan.

6. I am blessed with a man who loves me. I mean, I could go on and on about how wonderful Matt is to me (oh wait, I already did). After my breakup, it was hard for me to get used to the fact that no one loved me anymore. I thought I would not find love for such a long time. When I met Matt, I wasn't looking for love. When I pushed around the idea of dating him, I had to think: "Am I interested in Matt or the idea of dating someone again?" Truthfully speaking, I love him. And the crazy thing? He loves me, too. He is the reason why I look forward to my day. He is the one always on my mind. I truly can't believe I am his and he is mine, but I love it.

7. I am blessed to be forgiven. I am not perfect. I am a mess, I have flaws, and I do not deserve the forgiveness that God gives me. His grace has redeemed me. I have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ. I do not deserve His mercy, but He loves me like His daughter and I receive His mercy anyways. That's true AGAPE friends.



So, those are my blessings. And I know that life will not always be this awesome all the time. But, I needed to freezeframe this moment in some way, so I wrote it all out. I think Charlie said it best in Perks of Being a Wallflower:
"There are people who say all these things don't happen. There are people who forget what it's like to be sixteen when they turn seventeen. I know these will all be stories someday and our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad. But right now, these are not stories. This is happening. I am here, and I am looking at her, and she is so beautiful...I can see it: this one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and all the things that make you wonder. And you're listening to that song on that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear: WE ARE INFINITE."

The Adventures of Matt & Mandi: Our First Month

This past month has been one whirlwind of an adventure. All in 31 days, I have met, dated, and fallen in love with one amazing guy. Here’s our story.

 

The day is Friday, May 17, 2013. My band, Emby Alexander, had a show at the Rogue Bar in Scottsdale. I remember thinking that not many of our friends were going and it’s pretty much a dive-bar, so I throw my hair up in a ponytail and threw on jeans and a plain-white T-shirt. I show up, sing my set, then load our stuff off of the stage. A friend of the band, Zac Fredricksen, was organizing the show. After our set, I saw Zac was talking to a guy and he motioned me over.

“Mandi, this is my friend, Matt. He really likes your voice.”

We shook hands. We talked music. I found out he is in a band called The Cold Desert. He loved my set.
Now, throughout the night, Matt and I would find our ways back to each other, whether it be at the bar, on the dance floor, or in the parking lot by my car. I felt a connection with this guy.

HOWEVER: Matt had come to the show with his friend, Lance, and a mutual friend of theirs, Brittney. Throughout the night, Brittney would show up next to Matt and stare at me. I was certain they were dating. Here I am, some girl coming on to this girl’s boyfriend. I felt like a huge bitch. So, I started to back off.

After the show was over, my band went to In n’ Out and invited us to go. I went, and Matt brought Lance and Brittney with him. Before they got there, I went into the restroom and as I exited the stall, Brittney came in. She looks at me and said, “Hey. I really like you!”

WHAT.

I was so confused. So I said, “Hey, thanks, you’re pretty cool.” Her response? “I have been bugging Matt ALL NIGHT to get your number. You guys are so cute together.” At this point, I breathe a sigh of relief because I knew she was right. I thought we had a connection, too. She grabs my hand and says, “Please, Mandi, PROMISE ME that you will not leave tonight without getting his number!” So, I agreed.

We went outside and ate our food. We had casual conversations over burgers and fries. Then, it came time for us to leave. We walk to our cars, but Matt tells his friends to go ahead. He comes up to me and asks for my phone number. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

It wasn’t until later that I found out Brittney had never said a word to Matt about me. He asked for my number genuinely out of his own interest.

That was the night we met. I never thought I would pick up a guy at a bar, let alone using my voice as the lure. But, this past month has been quite adventurous. And I am so excited to see what adventures we encounter in the future. We have gone to shows, played games, met family and friends, danced, listened to amazing albums together, and held hands the entire time.

 

THE ADVENTURES OF OUR FIRST MONTH:

5/18 - He came to my Last Exit Live show.

5/20 - We went to Gringo Star Street Bar together for the first time, saw the Appleseed Cast play at Crescent Ballroom, and then he introduced me to shuffleboard and one of his hangout spots: The Little Woody. He also introduced me to Cherry Ghost, a band that everyone should check out.

5/22 – We went to karaoke, where he sang Aerosmith’s “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” and dedicated it to “Mandi, on our 6-day anniversary”.

5/24 – We went to Cornish Pasty and then he introduced me to Sidebar in Phoenix.

5/27 – We went to Lux Coffee Shop where I kicked his ass in Beatles Trivial Pursuit, then we went to Crescent Ballroom to watch Vinyl Station play. On our way back to my car, we listened to “In Rainbows” and sang together.

5/29 – He played a show with his band at Crescent Ballroom. I met his band mates, and I think they approved of me. I got a CD and a cassette tape of his band.

 

6/1 – He played a show at Last Exit Live, where I bought one of his T-shirts.

 

6/2 – We went to the Rhythm Room and saw Marmalade Skies, which is a Beatles Tribute band. We sang, we danced, and we drank. After the show, we got some food and had a picnic in a park and had deep conversations about family, religion, and life. We finally left when a cop showed up. As we’re driving back to my car, we’re listening to “In Rainbows”. When we get back to my car, he gets out of his car, gives me a hug, and kisses me. It was very hard to sleep that night.

6/3 – We went to Crescent Ballroom to watch our friends in Bears of Manitou play an acoustic set.

6/6 – He introduces me to The Duce in Phoenix. We had dinner, a couple of drinks, and hours of conversation. We finally had to part when he went to band practice.

6/7 – I had my last show with Emby Alexander. Our first gig of the night was at a Latte Art Throwdown hosted by my friend, Perry. After that gig, we went to Yucca Tap Room for our second gig. He met most of my friends and my dad. He helped me calm down my nerves before my last gig. The funny thing is, this is the first show I played where I could look in the audience and see a boy look back at me with affection. Every other gig I played, I had a boyfriend on stage with me. It was a feeling I had to get used to. After our set, we did a strawberry vodka shot and he took me home.

6/9 – We grabbed some coffee at Lux Coffee and discuss meeting each other’s family. Later, we went to the FilmBar in Phoenix and saw “Ghostbusters”. The Arizona Ghostbusters were there raising money for diabetes research, so he bought a raffle ticket and we ended up winning Ghostbusters hot sauce.

 

6/11 – I introduced him to Liberty Market and the town of Gilbert. He loved it! I had to get him back to his car in time for him to get to band practice. He called me on his way to practice and told me he left his pizza at my place. How crazy am I? I brought pizza and a six-pack of Kiltlifter to his practice space at 75^th Ave and Deer Valley just to see him. That adventure alone won over his heart, and the taste buds of his band mates.

 

6/12 – By this time, it’s clear that we are both are interested in each other. People are beginning to ask about us. We decide to sit down and have the conversation of awkwardness: defining the relationship. We meet at The Little Woody and figured out that he already thinks of me as his girlfriend and loves being around me. I whole-heartedly agree.

6/13 - I introduce him to my mother, and he passed the test. She can’t help but think he’s amazing, and I don’t blame her. Later that day, I drove up to his practice space to give him a mix CD I made for him. We spent the evening drinking milkshakes in his car while listening to the CD.

6/14 - I went to his Crescent Ballroom show. I met his dad and brother for the first time. I could tell just from the first meeting that his dad loved me. He played a great set, I got pictures and videos, and even sang along. After the show, we went to the Little Woody for a little bit and eventually watched the sunrise.

 

6/15 - We got brunch the next morning at True FoodKitchen, which is delicious! I helped him pick out a Father’s Day gift for his dad before I had to leave for work.

6/16 – I had had quite an eventful and stressful day, so he took me to Gringo Star Arcade Bar to unwind with some drinks and video games. We played skeeball (I beat him) and then we played Ms. Pacman (I dominated). I love being able to play games with him. We get competitive and flirt and have so much fun.

6/17 – OUR 1-MONTH ANNIVERSARY. We spent the evening at Crescent Ballroom playing Bingo (we both lost every game). After the Bingo games, our friend Dylan Pratt played an acoustic set.

 

 

 

STAY TUNED FOR OUR UPCOMING ADVENTURES!