Who Am I?

Right now, I don't even know.

It has officially been a month since my life rapidly changed from doing okay to doing terrible. After a month of keeping secrets and shutting people out, it's time I let you guys know what's been happening.

It all started Monday, August 11th.
My car has been having a few maintenance problems, and on this particular morning, I walked out to my car to find that all of the oil had leaked onto the driveway. I asked my parents what I should do, and all had agreed it was not good to drive. So, my boyfriend drove me to work, my stepmom picked me up and took me back to my car where we met my dad. He filled it up with oil, took it to a garage, and my stepmom left me with her car for the next few days.

At this point, I thought my only stress was my car.

I wrestled with the decision to repair my car or retire my beloved Nissan Altima and purchase a new car. The damage was a broken time belt, which would require the entire car to be taken apart to fix, causing a price of around $2200. Before I could consider buying a new car, I had to run my credit report and see what my credit was like, as well as plan a budget. Since I had never gone through this process before, I asked my parents for help.

After running my credit report, they sat me down with worried looks on their faces.
Shit, they found out I paid rent late. I'm screwed, I'm so screwed, I thought.
Instead, it was something far worse.

My identity was stolen, against my own will, and used to take out loans with my information.

I've heard about it all the time through commercials about identity theft, but I never thought it would happen to me. And I hope it never happens to anyone.
It's incredibly hard to have to explain to debt collectors that it wasn't me who withdrew thousand of dollars towards a loan. Or that I have no idea how my name and social security number is attached to any of it.

The worst part about all this isn't the fact that my financial state is messed up. That will eventually get fixed.
It's not even the fact that my car is messed up. My grandfather generously paid to have my car repaired, and I'm making payments to him for his loan to fix my car until I can get a new one.
It's also not the fact that, on top of dealing with work and deadlines, I now also have to deal with debt collectors, lawyers, and filing a police report to fix this.

The worst part about this whole situation is that I know who did it.

This was a person who betrayed my trust, who lied to my face, and reassured me that one day everything will be okay while I was struggling to make ends meet.

Things will get better. My bad credit will be erased. My loans will get paid off. I will eventually get a new car. I will eventually be able to not be afraid to answer my phone.

But one thing that will be very difficult to get better is not a thing, but a feeling.
Security, trust, honesty. A relationship with a person I used to trust and still to this day love.
That relationship is now damaged. And it's going to take going to hell and back to fix this.


So, if I have been ignoring you, neglecting our friendship, or even been a bit difficult to be around the past few weeks, please know that it is absolutely NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with me. If you would please send prayers, good vibes, love, hugs, anything my way, I would so greatly appreciate it. But, just so everyone knows, while I am hurting, I am working on fixing my life:
 - I am currently seeing a therapist to help with the mental and emotional strain this has caused me.
 - I am moving back home with my parents to save some money, as well as surround myself with people who love and support me.
 - I am staying busy with work and writing to keep my mind focused and off of the situation.
 - I have filed a police report to continue the investigation process that I don't have the time or energy to complete.
 - I will soon be meeting with a lawyer to figure out how I can protect myself, for the present situation and future security against identity theft.

If there's one thing I can tell people about this whole situation it's that do everything in your power to protect yourself. Keep a close eye on your finances and if something looks off, say something. Speak up. Don't hide. And not just financially, but in relationships, too.Protect yourself from those who will do you wrong.

I will not allow my strength to become a victim of theft.
So, if nothing goes right, go left.