I Will Not Be Silent

Over the past two years, I've been a strong advocate for the discussion of mental health. It's something my Facebook friends and real-life friends know to be true about me. If there's an article about depression or anxiety, I share it, sometimes with my own insight. I have friends message me and open up about their mental health with me that they're afraid to talk about with someone else. I even had someone reach out to me while they were in a rehab facility post suicide attempt. The thought of being a source of listening ears or insight to "crazies" is a scary honor to bare, but it's one that I whole-heartedly believe in.

Since being diagnosed depressed two years ago, I've had a bit of controversy with my grandparents, who believe that Jesus is the only answer to any issue. While I am a Christian, I'm not fond of the idea of church and believe that prayer is similar to this analogy: I can ask for change, but unless I make efforts to change myself, prayer is just wishful thinking.
When I first told my grandparents I was seeing a therapist, they didn't understand it. They thought it was silly of me to be paying money to a person giving me advice when all i needed to do was go to church and all my problems would be solved.
Fast forward two years, and now my grandmother has discussed the idea of going to see a therapist herself. I told her I supported her decision, and if she needed help finding a therapist I would help her.
We've talked about my depression and anxiety. My grandmother sees my posts on Facebook She knows it's something I live with everyday and talk about.

Today, I called my grandmother to remind her that I had a choir concert. She responded by saying that she and my grandfather would try to make it, but that it might be hard for my grandfather. I asked if something was wrong.
She told me that over the past few months, my grandfather has increasingly been having panic attacks when surrounded by large crowds. In order to lessen his anxiety, he clears his throat and coughs and taps his feet. She said he's visited the emergency room when having these attacks and has been prescribed Xanax and "an antidepressant I can't pronounce" to help him.
She then explained to me that my grandfather has had a small form of Tourette's since he was a kid, here he blinks excessively and scratches his arms. She said that it comes and goes in waves.
"I had no idea that he had that," I told her. I then described some of the treatments I do on my own to help with my anxiety.

After we got off the phone, I thought about my grandfather has been silently struggling with mental illness his whole life, and here I am at 25 years old, and I had no idea. This is a man who has practically raised me, and that I've known my whole life as a strong man who doesn't talk about issues unless something needs to be done.
That's when I realized that the discussion of mental illness is only recently becoming an open discussion. My grandparents have been raised in a society where mental illness is taboo, and if you had any form of mental illness, you were deemed crazy. Especially being raised in a strong Christian upbringing, where the pressure to live and portray a perfect life is unfortunately the religion's foundation.

I will help my grandfather realize his mental illness and help him find ways to control his anxiety.
I will continue to show support for my grandmother during a time of healing.
I will not be silent about the issue of mental health.

Please join me in speaking up.